A Review of the Year 2018!

As some wise people say, when you go through a phase that tears you apart, it is important to get aside, weep but do not lie down forever! Stand up and take the lessons. Don't leave bitter, leave a better person.
2018 was such a beautiful and sad year for me all in one!
I have got too many stories to write on a tiny space. But it is not very small after all you know.. I think it would fit half of what is on my head at the moment, then I would have to do a part one and two of this story. If I'm not careful, I may end up typing away on this keyboard to tomorrow midday. Please take this as a polite warning alert that this is going to be a pretty long post.

Don't fret! My brain gets exhausted quite fast on matters blogging but funny enough, I love writing. Wait a minute, it is not about exhaustion, it is the fact that I do not exactly think that, I can articulate my ideas to bring out what I want to say as exactly as it in on my mind. I have come to appreciate that, we are different types of scribes.

Hey! I also said in some post back, that I realize that writing on journals is bulky because of the filled up little books I have to pile on some corner. I end up making a home for spiders and other little monsters!

On to 2018 Happenings! 

I made some decisions, as tough as it was to make them, because life!
Had to gain and loose friends in unequal measures.It is in times of adversity that you know who your friends are. I have gone through some of the realest downtime moments. I thought my huge self would crumble down and crash like a sickly bird that's trying to perch on a high tree; that fall with a thud! yes that is what I am talking about. I am grateful to God for awesome friends and a wonderful supportive family whose love and support has kept me sane all along.
I met friends, whose beautiful souls make you believe that people are still human and there are people who like you just because you are you.

I also, got to learn new skills and to the people behind this; I am forever grateful to God for you. I would not have come this far if it were not for you.

Looking at my personal journal, I did the book of proverbs reading some chapters severally, although I never got to compete the book of Psalms..and that is where pressure and stress set in.

In April 2018, I started a full-body workout challenge that has seen me shed close to 10kgs in the year. I am not sure it's a well done. But it's still a thumbs up, because this gets me closer to my weight goals!

The beautiful stories now:

I used to joke along the people who said that 'true love in Kenya is a Magazine' well not anymore. I believe that there is some serious true love for everyone. We are just either blind to the errors, we see on the first few meetings with people, or we are desperately trying to settle down with people we know we shouldn't even go for a date with. It could also be that our friends (especially among ladies)  have awed the idea of a wedding and yet you only hinted to them that you have met this new person and you are trying to seek God's will about you and the person.

In this year, I got to witness a few unions between my friends and their partners but the one that got me marveling at God's greatness is my sister's marriage. It was so flawless and perfect! Everything was right from the onset of their friendship, no lies, secrets, selfishness, and too hasty decisions. In the end, the whole celebration was beautiful.

My brother and sister's beautiful story taught me that you should not die trying to figure out someone. No honey! That is too much task to hack you know! Instead, it is accepting what you can live with and constantly wanting the best for this person, growing, feeling their pain and literary being with them in all times. Happy times and during the sad ones as well because in life, their is sugar, salt, and soy sauce! haha You know what? Those three can all go in, in one pot and make a niiiice meal, like Pilau. True story!

Another beautiful story is that although I crossed over 2018 on a sad note, 2019 was beautiful. I came back home after the meeting during Christmas, emptied my bag, packed afresh, and left for another church overnight meeting. I just needed another refill to overflow the few drops that had spilled from my cup as I start the year. I went to church on 30th and came back on 1st.

I was worried about 31st because in the previous year, i lost a family member. Yes I was in church to pray, worship and thank God for the year that's setting and trust HIM in the one that was beginning. But then again, this is the very place where the news was broken on the 1st, a day after a wonderful meetings crossing over into new year. I saw the exact place we had parked and my heart couldn't help but crack. I got teary. But i smiled, because I cannot look back, I may not question but I trust in HIS will. It is always Perfect even when it crushes our spirits.

I wondered a lot of times whether I will see the year 2019. I could not help but take me back to 2018 31st and try to imagine where my cousin was on that day. The very thought that he had a few hours to live and yet he had zero idea about it, would freak me out most! I thought I would follow. It was not obvious that I would see 2019. Then I heard celebrations outside while we were still in church partaking of the Holy Communion and i couldn't help but tear up and just pour it all out to GOD.

My heart was overjoyed, my jacket sleeves were stained with tears of joy, confusion, sadness. I had mixed emotions. I imagined how last year such a time, life was leaving his body, and here I am crossing into the new year, with nothing of my own, no deserved gift to God or reason to live. It is just by HIS mercies and favor that I am alive. The morning of 1st was even more beautiful, I have never enjoyed every moment of my breath before. I would feel the number of times per minutes I breathed in and out. I almost got the number of heartbeats precise without that medics device.

It was such  triumphant feeling, that God had crossed it with me. It was reassuring to know that Jesus hears our prayers and HE answers. It made me renew my faith in God so much that, I am still busking in that awesome glorious feeling. I owe it ALL to HIM.

In this whole setting, I learnt a few things, that children want to be involved in most duties, even those heavy adult duties, like chopping foodstuffs and washing a handful of utensils. In so doing, you not only fulfill their wish to be doers, but you also teach them about responsibility and the value of time. They learn how to divide work among themselves, and work through the tasks assigned quick, enough to have time to take some tea, or eat lunch and make it for service.

The time these young people should be resting during a break after tea or lunch, is when they carry out preparation tasks for the next meal.  I have never in my entire life seen children as young as 6 years, take knives and prepare meals for hundreds of people. They do it so effortlessly, that you are embarrassed being in their midst because the work may seem intense, but they have gotten used to it.  I observed that if you lend a hand, you either get along, or get along.

The trip would not have been better without my best friend, Lisa, Mum, and my married friends on our way back. Just talking about life's general issues.

I am so happy that I have lived to the 4th day of the year. I do not know if I will see tomorrow leave alone 2020. If I do, it shall be GOD guiding me and allowing it for the purpose that HE has put me here to accomplish. May I be a faithful servant!

End of Year Church Meetings was ALL I needed to close the year perfectly!

Started the year 2018 on a really sad note. I lost a good friend who was a cousin. Sometimes I am soaked in emotions, trying to understand why he had to leave so soon.I then recover by remembering the good note and that is; he left us an exact copy of him, 5 months fresh. The little baby has since grown into a fine 1 year and 5 months, a very cute boy. These days, I do no longer frown that he left, but I smile that he lived.

So, this was the year that I had to trust God for everything, every step of the way. Had to make major decisions. Still making them anyway because I am breathing. In 2018, I was getting to the edge. I could feel life literary trickling out my little (heart). Sometimes I got up in the morning and it was like a surprise. like one of those oops moments! you know when you get into the elevator, you get lost in thoughts and before you know it, the top floor is here and you're expected to jump off and keep walking to the office?

It was hard to convince myself that everything was working perfect! Way harder than I thought in the previous year when I left formal employment. My heart grew bigger and emptier. It felt like I walked around carrying a 15kg bag  inside my... is it left part of the chest where the physical heart organ resides? I think I was stressed. No! I am not thinking, I was literary stressed.

I forgot about my prayer life. I just could not pray. In fact, I was unconsciously kept by other people's prayers for me. A sad confession it is especially for a christian but it is true. I now believe more, the scripture that says (the prayers of the saints availeth much) because those prayers by other believers saved me. I was drifting afloat on the rough waters in huge water bodies, like the debris of an aircraft wing that's miraculously held there as evidence to track a lost plane. Is that even comparable? well. I do not know...but there is a point I guess....that the prayers helped me a great deal!

Then came the end of the year, Christmas festive season and all....some friends were going on vacations. To my surprise, I seemed to pity than envy most of them. Stop it with the jealousy thoughts ... haha. Okay I digress. sorry.

I have always wanted to travel. My good friends, know that I am an indoor person, but I take every chance within my reach and means to travel. Why? because you meet people, learn things and personally, I see God in new environments. I want to look around and see HIS awesome mighty works in rocks, rivers, lakes, and valleys. Hope I will one day travel out of Africa. Amen.

So this year, I was in a state, and I knew that if there is something I needed too badly to get fixed, is my relationship with God. Even in my stress, I knew HE would heal my heart, body, and soul.

I could not point a thing that caused the serious veering, but I knew i needed a fixing.

I went to my church's convention. We usually have a three-days-meetings in a facility where you can board or otherwise. It was everything I needed and beyond. I needed God to heal me and revive me and just remind me I am HIS and HE walks with me every day.

God works in wonders. Maybe you're sick, and HE uses a pastor to preach divine healing to you. In this season, HE inspired the preacher to talk about the joy of a Christian. It is in the Lord. 

My take home was that when that Joy fades, you leave your prayer life and your spirit dies. This was my exact diagnosis! My prescription; wake up, read a chapter, listen to God's word, and pray more often. This will keep Satan and HIS ideas away from your mind. To Christians, James chapter 4;7-8 tells us to (submit yourselves therefore to God. Resists the devil, and he will flee from you. 8. Draw nigh to God and he will draw nigh to you....). What is a conclusive summary! No need to add anything.

Life's Reality Check on my Birthday!

Wow!
Where do I begin, So much to say. I want to really put down everything going on in my head right now. It's a lot. I do not even know where to start.

\A few weeks ago, I turned a new leaf. No, it's more like I grew older. Well it was like an anniversary of when I was delivered into this world. That does not sound like it, but for now I think it will suffice. It will explain the actual line I am afraid of using; that I am growing old lol!.

It was so scary that I watched every second of the last hour of my previous year...pretty much how we stay woke till midnight on new year's eve. At first, I was all to scared to get into the new year. Why? because it is expected that at a certain time of your life, you would have done A , B and C. Depends on the setting you are in and the believes and religion you subscribe to.
It was a scary feeling. I hoped desperately there could be a delete button and in a second you can delete all that's going on at least in your head.
On the other hand, I wished there was a way to travel past the skies and disappear, to just soak in what life is about.

Lessons I have taken in after the old year lapsed!
1. It's okay to say to those who matter what is happening in your life. You may just be keeping depression at bay and helping your mind a great deal.
2. I thought I do not want to be celebrated because..but to my surprise, it was one of the best birthdays I have celebrated. I was overwhelmed with lovely wishes. The thought that these people took time off their day to write down those wishes melted my heart. Some were truly thoughtful. a few stood out. and I am eternally grateful for all these people in my life.
3. As I start the new year in my life, i do not know what the year holds but I know God is with me and HE will continue to work HIS good in me as long as I keep obeying HIS WORD.

Cheers to me!

Issa love affair!

Wow wow! My heart is excited. More than excited. Lately, it's been thumping louder than, were they tum tum drums! okay I am not going to fake prowess in writing compositions.. At least not today. Reason? I tried to love the subject but it rejected me so I was among the below average students... or maybe average. Anyway, I think one can get what I am trying to say. Right? That was not the main point though...

I am here to write about God's faithfulness. I have seen HIM in too many ways to ever doubt his goodness. Every time I try to get faithless, HE proves HIMSELF in my very life. Oh come taste HIM. He is good and He is always faithful.

I feel elated. Excited..ecstatic .. more than grateful in my life.
Yesterday remains one of my best days in life. A legend did something. Okay he did not do it by himself. It has been the grace of God all these years in his life.
I am just about to gain an extremely awesome, talented, amazing, incredible human being for a sister or maybe I have, I am not sure what I should use by now... She has been a friend to us and now...  okay my heart is so full that every time I think about it, I just thank God. It makes me feel humbled, anxious, happy.. worried. You ask worried, oh yes! I am not certain of what lies ahead, but I know WHO will take us through.

May the roller coaster continue.. I hope I will be around a lot longer to see what this life holds before we cross over to home.
Forever grateful!

I am Growing Wiser

Hoooo! 

I had promised to be writing more often this year even if it means sneaking from work and doing a short post. Like a really short piece. One I could reread through crossing Uhuru Highway from Kenyatta Avenue right into Uhuru Park. That would be a very unwise move I know. I wouldn't try or ask anyone to do this. 

Anyway, growing up I had always wished to have a slenderer face. Then i got to college, and it was such a relief when i saw my round faced friends with photos of them wearing a much slenderer face....I asked what it was and they told me photo effects on their phones. I bought a phone that could afford some space for such an app but it's tiring to take 79 selfies, pull one and try to edit it. One would ask, oh you really do that? Oh yes i have done this before. And then I heard there's this thing when doing make up referred to as, contouring the cheeks... okay let's not go there coz i wouldn't try.

On to the real story, now that I am growing wiser, I have started seeing my cheek bones once in a while when I wash my face in the morning. A part of me feels the water I am taking is finally coming through for me but another silent voice tells me it's a sign i am growing old.Oh so Scary! And that my little-plus size self is preparing to go to the dust. It is .. oh yes it is scary to think along these line but what is life for? We live to die. Therefore, we should wake up knowing... oh! this is another day to prepare for when i will die. Just one of those random thoughts that comes to my mind and i think to write down.

Hope you do prepare for yours too because for sure that day is coming, and if our Lord comes before that day, we shall all be changed to meet HIM in the air. 

It is Joy unspeakable and full of Glory

      Well did I just choose a song i have been playing on my mind lately to put as my theme for this post? Well, yes i did. This song has been replaying on my mind in the last couple of weeks. I have nothing really to point at before you start speculating that there is something cooking in my life, a promotion of some kind in my life, i am not sure of it.
      One thing that i have come to know about myself is that i carefully select my playlists so that it has a section of worship songs, praise songs, and sermons. Songs usually so much impact on my mood that i have to select my songs carefully. An example to prove it is when i identify a song with sorrow because at the time it was playing in the background, someone was breaking the news about the departure of a loved one. Or a breakup happened and this particular song was beginning to play. I then find myself consciously skipping that track on my playlists and probably never delete it hoping for the day there'll be sunshine after the rain and I will comfortably play it.
       I am not sure it's the case with many people but I have some songs too that kinda sooth me back to normal state. They encourage me and help keep my spirit afloat in a world with people or situations that can really shutter your heart past smithereens. Today i choose a joyful playlists to fill my heart. For i want my heart to be full all the days of my life.. not because of what I can see but because of what i can feel in my heart. His love so eternal that it is Joy unspeakable and full of glory and the half has never yet been told!!

Joyful times ahead to you.

It's a Learning New Year

One would be very genuine to ask me? "Are you sure the year is still new?" Well my answer would be this... that it is new depending on what phase you are going through and how you see your life when you compare to your 2018 year goals...

• For a new parent, it's pretty new... because their sleep pattern has totally been turned into something that's way different from the norm 
• To someone who has lost a loved one in the new year, every day they wake up, they somehow carry on but on most days, they get those sad intense moments filled with pain...
• Anyone working on something is definitely going thru some new cycle of getting to familiarise with work politics and all..

As such, it is inevitable not to find days yourself in some thick situation, one that you would run out of your skin if it was possible to do so. I am currently going thru my kind of phase and it has actually prompted me to do this piece. A phase that makes me feel like, no one around me is helpful...well I don't know if I put it in the right words because they are actually doing what is required of them. And on such days it makes me wonder what the true essence of living is. 

When your mind starts to wander or predict about the future, we must do our best to shift and focus our minds on the present. Practice to notice what is happening now and let go the ideals and practice the real things. 

Sit back and accept the moment as it is. The reality now if denied, may send us into great levels of stress which if not managed, can get into depression levels... so try to be composed, sit back and reflect about the situation.  Accept it for what is is, be grateful and make the best out of it. This way, you are able to see life in a beautiful way... you are in a position to see the positives instead of the negatives that have come your way.

In this new year, I am learning to

1. Be the best version of myself as of yesterday every new day I wake up
2. Understand that I am not perfect and I can only depend on God who is perfect
3. Be patient with myself as only then, I will be patient with others
4. Learn that it is okay to be weak, to cry about losses and to wear a brave face the next morning
5. Accept that I came to this world alone and I have to go through life making conscious decisions alone as long as I will live... 
6. Create more networks as your networks turn into your net worth
7. Understand that peer pressure is a state of mind and it shouldn't destruct me as everyone has their own 'getting on train' moments. 
8. List can go on and on.... but the biggest of them all.... I am learning to understand that though we live to die, the best life is a life well lived.... and I am trying to live that good life in the moment. Not tomorrow but now. Yesterday was history and today is a gift that's why it is called present.

Thank you for reading my post. Blessed times as you improve the yesterday version of you.. Always remember that, that's the only person you should compete with.